When Miguel and I left Berkeley, we joked that we were kicked out because we didn't drink coffee or wine and we didn't go to 'group'. Well has a honorary resident back in the Bay Area i both drink (and love love love) coffee AND i've joined 'group'!! (sorry, no wine so i WILL have to return to Arizona...).
Tonight I took part in a (virtual) head and neck support group and i really got a lot out of it. One of the topics that came up is the 'ptsd' that can hit after treatment is over. I am very goal and project oriented and the treatment stepstones, the exercises, learning to drink, daily walks, selecting speakers and communication devices and focus on healing, that keeps me focused on the immediate. In fact, i have intentionally tried to focus on one thing at a time lest i get overwhelmed.
I have 7 radiation treatments left (raise the roof!). Then we will have several weeks of follow up appointments. Then we will be packing up and moving home. Lot's to keep busy with. I will be faced with the reality that my Dad is not longer here in a more tangible way. I will have to explain many times to my mom (alzheimers) what happened to me. In August i will start integrating back into work...slowly...and the girls will go back to their lives. I will forever be looking over my shoulder for cancer. This meeting made me realize that i will face lots of emotions moving forward and then will probably sneak up and smack me in the back of the head when i least expect it.
I go forward knowing that i have the most amazing family in the world and i can lean on them. But i also need to think about what other strategies i will put in place to keep my head on straight and appreciate every single day of LIFE.